A Great Heist

Dream hard of me
tonight.

What I would do
for a moment alone, to
invade your consciousness
and sieze your magnificent thoughts.

Transfix yourself upon me
tomorrow.
How I wish I were there,
by your side, to
hijack your tender bodyheat
and pillage your once-perfect life.

You've made me a burglar,
but I don't think I'll ever
make off with your loot.

Later, Alligator

Hey!
Stop it!
Get out of my head!
You know, it's really distracting
when I'm trying to finish this calculus test,
and YOU come prancing into my head.
And then I forget all about those stupid integrals,
and what I'm going to eat for lunch,
and when that scholarship is due.

You've captivated me,
stolen my attention span (it's short enough already)
and all I can think about is you.
It kind of pisses me off,
'cause I can't focus on anything
when YOUR silly self
is waltzing into and on my brain.

Get out!
Can't I at least finish this test?

Conquering Corporate America (or so it says)

So it's really freaking hot out today. I'm at the library right now. Joy, i get to walk home.

i went to the band meeting with jessica last night. i was her surrogate mother, thank you very much. not that i have a life and would have been doing something spectacular otherwise, eh? but they made the official announcement that mr. b is gone. he's going to be teaching four different elementary schools. and, ironically, one of them is down the street from my house! and i also found out that it wasnt his choice. they made him go. and also, i was the first person (other than the other music teachers) that he talked to after getting the news through that ugly meeting. i feel so bad for the guy. he looked dang close to tears that day. Oh, yeah. and they're getting rid of the band mascot. THEY ARE GETTING RID OF THE BAND MASCOT. i don't freaking believe it. almost 30 years, and its going away. i'm just really glad that i got to dress up and do it this year. and for mr. b's fiftieth birthday, too. ha ha.

but honestly, i have to get over this crap. i mean, i'm not in band anymore. im not in high school anymore. seriously considering not going to band camp this summer. really. except for jessica. i told the shep (the new director) last night that if he needed any help this summer that i would be home. but i doubt they will call me. whatever. i'm on to bigger and better and badder things.

wrote a poem last night.

Rescuer's Release

Please don't leave
me
here.

You grabbed me from the fire,
ashen and shaky,
smooth hands pressing on my rough ones.
My scarred feet fell free as you carried me,
strong arms leading along the dirt road.
You now set me down, and i am
unable to move or think.
You don't look back
as I wail your name
or cry your tears.

You keep going, soot under your fingernails
and smoke supporting your dreams.

Slow but speedy, that's me.

So for some reason blogger wouldn't let me sign in for the longest time. so i have a lot to catch up on.

well, first off, i graduated. duh. that was an amazing day, let me tell you. it was windy and sunny, so we kept staring into the sun, and our tassels/mortarboards kept trying to fly off. but i felt so proud for our class, and our town, and all of that. too bad my grandmother couldn't come: she has cancer again. and it doesn't look good. it's in her bones, which....i dunno. she's taking chemotherapy through pills, which is interesting because she doesn't have to go out to a clinic to do the chemo; just takes these pills four times a month. i sure hope she is going to be okay. i am dreading the day..............

and so with my graduation that means band is now over too. poop. i still think i'm kind of in denial; i just can't let it go. and, on top of that, the band director, my band director, Mr. B, the one person who made my life freaking awesome through band, is no longer the band director. it was such a shock; 25 years, and all of a sudden he's just up and out. i don't know if the administration just told him that he would go, or that he decided to step down, or maybe a combination of the two.... it just depresses the hell out of me. i mean, okay. think of the one teacher that you absolutely LOVED; i mean, your favoritist ever. that was my band director to me. i'm going to wittenberg university in the fall for music education; i want to be the first female band director at my high school, just putting that out there. but if it wasn't for mr. b, i probably wouldn't be going there. he helped me sooooooo much with my audition, getting music, and practicing, he didn't have to do all that. but he did. and he even took me down there for the audition!! i mean, three hours one way, that's just crazy. i love him to death and i have him to thank for making this what it was. and now he's gone. i think he's going to the elementary schools, but i don't know for sure. if he is, that would be sweet cause i could still see him. i just hope this all doesn't make it awkward between us, because marching band is what held us together, and now that's not there anymore. Ugh. this is so frustrating. i wish he would talk to me. he just sent me one email telling me that he was sorry that he didnn't feel comfortable coming to my grad party. that's it. i've sent him about five or six emails over the past two weeks, but they went ignored. i just want him to talk to me.

so i'm getting a new laptop. within about a week. hopefully i can keep this updated a bit more often, eh? its custom built, with my dad's input to the company. i'm so happy he did that for me. i mean, they could have bought me just some crap pc from best buy or something, but my dad wanted to make sure i was happy with it and it would do exactly what i wanted it for.

right now i'm at jessi's house. i stayed the night. she has a drum meeting at the school right now, but i saw shep and i said SEE YA'LL LATER!! i kind of feel bad now. but i love her to death. we went bike riding yesterday, and happened to see the lady that used to take care of us through daycare. i mean, these are some of the earliest memories i have. and we saw her. we even got to go through her house, seeing the old rooms where we took our naps; our playroom; our basement/classroom; man it was awesome. we went through some of her pictures and reminisced. fun stuff.

alright. i think i might be done for this post. but i couldn't be sure. adios muchachos. talk later. my wrists hurt.