The world does not want me to blog tonight. More specifically, the frat house across the street whose internet we are stealing does not want me to blog tonight.
On Monday a good friend was in town before she starts her spring semester at Yale. (Yes, that’s right, I said YALE. I’m not one for status symbols, but whoa.) We went to dinner and talked for about two hours nonstop. She shared with me a lot about her current fears and anxieties, and get this:
they were a lot like mine. We started talking about her struggles with her roommate, which I can definitely relate to. In the spring semester of my senior year of college my roommate and I barely looked at each other, let alone hang out or anything friendly like that. It was a really awful time, tiptoeing around the apartment for fear of doing something that would piss her off. So K. and I talked about what it’s like to live with someone who’s totally inflexible and incapable of discussion. With her situation, it’s more about religion and politics. This is something I’ve seen more and more of recently. I am from a pretty open-minded background. At the same time, I’d like to be able to talk about some of the issues I’m still working through as a recent adult. But it feels like there are many people who simply cannot talk about it or have something resembling a conversation with differing points of view. They are so rigid in their views or political leanings that they cannot even begin to see things from another perspective.
I simply do not understand how this could be. The lack of empathy literally shocks me in some people. I’ve made the beginnings of an entire career path on feeling for other people; granted, this is social
change and not social service, but the heart of the matter is helping make this world a better place. How can someone either be so ignorant (or choosing to be) that this gets in the way of caring about someone else? It worries me.
We also talked about life after graduation, naturally. It has been six months since we left college and I daresay we both have changed a huge amount in that time. I am working full time and she is attending divinity school... busy, but not as busy as college. But we both realized, well,
we don’t have many friends. We agreed that trying to make new friends now is really exhausting and often not worth the effort. (This makes us sound like pessimists, which is not true.) At the beginning of college we had to go through all the ‘new student days’ bullshit with meeting in small groups and having forced conversations about How To Be A Good College Student. (I remember talking about drinking in this particular circle-share. What foreshadowing.) And Playfair – oh god, Playfair. I hated every second of the White Middle Class Team Building Games.
It’s so fun! An experience you’ll never forget! I remember trying to find two other people with August birthdays; being told to yell at a complete stranger (not in a hateful way, but like my name or something); and being the captain of that game where you sit on each other’s knees and it makes a circle and everyone’s sitting grinning at each other proud of this pointless circle they just made with their bodies. Everyone needed to thrust themselves out there like freaking peacocks and those that didn’t lost the game. “A nightmare for introverts,” K. said. So really, who would want to go through that awful experience again four short years later? Instead we spend more time by ourselves or with a maximum of four other people. Is this healthy? Probably not. But I have in the back of my head that I most likely will not be spending my life in The Field. In other words, once I really get settled then I might have the energy to make friends.
Speaking of energy, I was talking to a friend recently about this very blog, and that got me zealous to clean things up around here.
My goodness, I was really into boys. Pretty much all of my early posts were about my high-school boyfriend. Pathetic, really. I was so concerned about his well-being and others’ perceptions of us and my own insecurities that what could have turned into a meaningful relationship did not. I’ve kept a few posts for posterity, but you can definitely watch the increase in maturity since starting this in 2007 (I was 17). But where did that come from? It obviously wasn’t something conscious my parents did or said. Now that I’m working with a school and little people everything goes through my teacher-lens. And frankly I am frightened by the messages they are getting.
Case in point. Today at the gym one of the tvs was turned to TLC. I had to work off those liquid calories consumed in the paragraphs above. Anyway, if you’re not familiar with TLC, it used to be more of a crafty-craft channel but that has dissolved into the meaningless drivel of
18 and Counting, Kate Plus 8... and most notably,
Toddlers In Tiaras. This is a show where parents, real live human beings with brains in their heads, enter their children (read: girls) into beauty pageants. Sometimes
before they can even speak. I’m sure the creators of these shows are nice enough people and please pardon me if I offend you, but
What. The. FRICK. Pretty much everything that I dislike about our current society is wrapped up in that show. Gender stereotyping, objectification of women (GIRLS!!), the shallow ground of perceived “sexiness” where too many women place their self-worth (aka spray tans and copious amounts of makeup and skeevy clothing), being judged numerically on your looks, and maybe most infuriating of all: parents who force their children to be subjected to something like this. I wanted to puke right there in the gym. (It could have been the 8 minute mile I’d ran, but we’ll never know now will we?) I realize that there was a big brouhaha about this a while ago, and I’m behind the debate. But actually, there’s not much to debate. What I’m more pissed about is
why it’s still being shown on TV. Didn’t we talk about how horrible it was? Didn’t we get upset about the feminist issues this show raises?? Didn’t we boycott TLC???
GTFO, TIARAS AND TLC.
Did I go up and turn off the TV? I’m sorry to say I didn’t – I’m not quite there in my zealousness (didn’t I use this word earlier?) Maybe one day I will be able to do something so bold. I’m working on it.
