would it be too much to ask

to find a decent guy once in a while?

really?

i'm tired of looking. i'm tired of being by myself.




anyway... i have just a week left until spring break. jessie is coming to visit me tomorrow!! she wants to drive herself down for little sibs weekend, and so she and her mom are taking a test drive tomorrow. i SO cannot wait. i haven't seen anyone from home since christmas.

i am glad this week is going a lot better than last week... it was just hell because everyone decided to pile stuff on at the same time, and i was really stressed out and annoyed and oy vay. but this week was a lot better. i just had one paper due, which wasn't that hard, just time consuming, and my religion class (which i only had for two days anyway), was cancelled on thursday. i think most teachers are looking forward to spring break, too.

i'm counting down the hours until i get to see jessica. if you're reading this, jess, i can't tell you how much it means to me. i hope i don't start crying when i see you.

can't we disappear?

i hope i'm not a meaningless fling,
something to be crumpled up and tossed away
when something better comes along.

i hope you don't break me,
because i trusted you
shared myself
and i hope
you don't steal from me.

please don't break me.
i'm not sure i could put myself
back together again.

...oops...

i forgot to add a quote to the end of my last post....:


"sometimes the best way to figure out who you are is to get to that place where you don't have to be anything else."

my spleen!!

i'm sorry.

i'm sorry things have changed.

i'm sorry i'm not what you thought i was.

i'm sorry i let my feelings control me.

i'm sorry you're not here with me.

i'm sorry i left you behind.

i'm sorry i make bad decisions.

i'm sorry i didn't work harder.

i'm sorry you feel like you can't tell me.

i'm sorry you're uncomfortable.

i'm sorry i took advantage of you.

i'm sorry things didn't turn out like we thought they would.

i'm sorry i can't deal with things sometimes.

i'm sorry i am way too into you.


not necessarily directed to one particular person, but to many people. i felt like i needed to get this out there.



i am really glad last night was not a total waste of my time. mandy and i hung out for a while, and we watched forrest gump. she totally passed out towards the back half of the movie, and so i just went back to my room for a while. the stupid internet completely crapped out (sorry, brenda). brien called and he came to my room, because my roommate went home for the night. i didn't get much sleep, maybe four or five hours. today, we went to chipotle 'cause we were both craving it... i have the leftovers in my fridge right now. i realized something really funny - back home, everyone has these ideas that all i do is eat, all the time. but at witt, people are like, "do you eat at all?!" don't get me wrong, i love food. i just thought it was kind of ironic that the two sides of my life are exactly opposite like that.



anyway... i have an article due for education on monday. it's not hard, just kind of tedious and i really don't want to work on it. and i STILL have religion homework. Grrrrrr.

fell asleep on my bed today. i have no clue how long i was out. my roommate woke me up when she came in with her family, kind of funny, and i was like, holy crap! i was sleeping?! i am exhausted. but in the best way.

"you really got me going, you got me so i don't know what i'm doing." -You Really Got Me; The Kinks

my future is comin' on

Listening:
Land of 1000 Dances; OSUMB
Sans Toi; Cirque Du Soleil
Waiting; Green Day
Welcome To The Black Parade; My Chemical Romance
Augers of Spring from The Rite of Spring; Stravinsky
Closer; Nine Inch Nails
Shallow; Gabe Dixon Band
Videotape; Radiohead

I don't really have much to put today. I am just kind of messing around avoiding that frickin' religion paper. Actually, I DID have a purpose for writing. In religion class, we discussed the idea of "sanctuary" as it pertains to sacred space. it was very interesting; we discussed a buddhist idea of space and "negative" space - our culture focuses on the actual THINGS taking up space, but this other idea also brings into play the space that is not taken up by something. and then we got to talking about thoughts, and how they really focus on those times where you aren't thinking anything at ALL, and that is apparently where you can get closest to god (or whatever you might believe in). i'm not sure i am getting this whole idea completely right, but it got me thinking, at least. it's so intriguing to think about... because once you start trying to see if you are thinking about anything at all, then you're thinking about something!!

this also reminded me of something i used to do when i was little. i would lay in bed face down, my head on my arms. after a while, when i was in between that time where you're really asleep and when you're kind of awake, i could start to see colors and shapes. i think it has something to do with the stimulation of the nerves (that was complete b.s., i have no idea) but i was captivated by that. but whenever i would TRY to see those shapes and colors and patterns, i could never do it. i don't really know where i was going with this tangent... but there you go.

i FINALLY got to talk to Mr. B. it had been like, a month since we'd talked. it was great... there were a couple of times where i honestly couldn't breathe from laughing sooo hard. damn i miss that guy. and i did ask him a question that had been bugging me for a while - can teachers and students be friends? we had a big discussion about it in my education class, and my prof stands by the whole "professional teacher-student relationship" thing, blah blah blah, but i am of the opinion that we can be. Mr. B said it best - we're only human. teachers can have friends too!! i'm really glad he agreed with me, because i was hoping he would say we were still friends. cause i truly consider him one of my very good friends.

anyway... i still have to finish that paper, but i have three pages done now!! woo!! hopefully the last two will go smoothly...


adios for now.

"steal my heart, hold my tongue. I feel my time, my time has come." ~Til Kingdom Come; Coldplay

lick your FACE

Listening:
Home; Michael Buble
Mysterious Ticking Noise; Potter Puppet Pals
Re-Hash; Gorillaz
Good Riddance (time of your life); Green Day
Ever After You; Gabe Dixon Band
Crazy Little Thing Called Love; Queen
All Will Be Well; Gabe Dixon Band
All Kinds of Time; Fountains of Wayne
The Remedy; Jason Mraz
Shook Me All Night Long; AC/DC
Ranch Aerobics; The Ringling 5

well... since someone convienently brought this to my attention through facebook, i figured i would post again, since it's been like 6 days.

wednesday night a big windstorm came through. it was kind of freaking me out, honestly, and i wasn't real thrilled about being six floors up in Tower. We didn't have class on Thursday for intro, so i actually went to brien's house and we stayed up really freaking late... mariokart, movies and such. my trumpet lesson on thursday actually wasn't that bad. minor scales weren't HORRIBLE this time, thank god. he just gave me the whole "i hold you to a higher standard" speech again. sigh.

friday... hmm... t'was quite interesting... i didn't see my dorm until about 5:30 the next day. brien had the cast party for the drama production at his house that night. we stayed up ungodly late again, and somehow there is a picture of me dead asleep against brien's bookcase with my mouth hanging open floating around the internet. i passed out at his house again, and we didn't wake until about 1:30. then one of us got the brilliant idea to go get some taco bell! and we watched Clerks, which i had never seen (DANTE). then he and i walked back to tower, since i needed a change and a brushing of teeth and a wash. brien ended up falling asleep on my bed, lol, glad it's comfy, and then we went to the drama show. i felt slightly awkward, cause he's all the drama kid, and i'm totally not. but it was alright... the show was pretty freakin' good. spent pretty much all of valentine's day with him... ironic, much? nahhhhh.

sometimes i wish i had gotten into that acting stuff; my grandfather was a big shakespeare guy (seeing as he taught it at the community college, and acted in every one of those productions known to man) and my whole life it's been, "it's in your blood", blah blah blah. gawd, i wish i had more time to do a whole lot of things. just like my religion paper, haha - it's now due on thursday, instead of tomorrow as it originally was. i sent a dying plea email to my teacher about needing some more time, and thankfully she gave it to me. the whole thing was my fault, really, cause i just haven't found the inspiration to do it, but hopefully things will strike soon - i've got 2 out of 5 pages done.

Sunday was a senior recital for a choir gal. t'was pretty good - all i know is that i couldn't get up there and do that. one of my friends doesn't care for the girl's singing, and i really couldn't tell that she was "bad", per se, but i don't really have any room to talk since i've never sang in my life. we had a theory party afterwards... i got an A on it today! thanks, dante, since you're probably now reading this!! :P

i had no time to work on it today, however, until now. it was another one of our audition days in the music department, and so we had people coming in and out all dang day. i was happy, however, because one of my classes was cancelled and another got out early because of it. went to post for lunch, checked my mail, and whaddya know, i have TWO PACKAGES waiting for me. whoopie!! one was from my mom and the other was from my grandmother. both for valentine's day... i now have an over-abundance of candy again - - if anyone wants any chocolate, just let me know. i've got a buttload. i also got a rolling stone magazine from my mom (...wth?...) and a necklace that says "follow your heart" on it, which could basically describe my whole life.

random thought: i really have to do some laundry.

i haven't really done much of anything since i got out of class today, just homework, dinner, and trumpet practice. tomorrow we're going to observe a classroom at springfield high, i believe, so hopefully that'll be interesting. gotta slam out the rest of this paper. damn you.



"i'm half-naked, clueless, and feelin' good!" -Zits

don't play hard to get

Listening:

Play The Game - Queen
The Joker - Steve Miller Band
19-2000 - Gorillaz
Rent - RENT Soundtrack
I'll Never Let Her Go - Ringling 5
Jenny (867-5309)
Kryptonite - 3 Doors Down
Two Seater - Bowling For Soup
Play The Game - Queen



so i know it's been a week since i posted. go ahead, make fun of me. i don't mind. there have been many things conspiring and i just haven't had time. last week was soooo stressful; i still wasn't sleeping well... so instead i slept during the day in the Krieg lounge!! I recorded my first recital of this semester, and thank god Ben came before me, because of all days for my prof to hold class over, it had to be the day where i NEEDED to be somewhere. Brien and i ran around trying to find Ben, 'cause he had taken the keys. after we finally found him in some back hallway, it was alright. I have to edit and finalize the cd by the end of the week, though, and I have to talk to Ben to make sure I remember how to do it!!

On thursday, we went to north ridge junior high to observe the choir there. I was pretty suprised, the students are already doing solfege (do-re-mi stuff) and sightreading, along with some simple theory. I wish I had gotten that back then; I would be sooo much better off! and I didn't have to go to band until 7 that night, so I actually had some time to myself to laze about.

friday was uneventful... I honestly don't remember much about this day, lol. I tried to fall asleep in the lounge again, but SOMEONE had to throw popcorn at me... and later i discovered some of it in my pants. so naturally Brien had to comment on all the odd things found in my pants. gee, thanks.

saturday. well. this was interesting. I didn't do much during the day - just watched some movies and youtube videos. it wasn't until later that things started looking up. Lauren and I went to Brien's house to make pancakes from scratch. they were AMAZING!!! with peanut butter, syrup, powdered sugar, orange juice....
we watched Zach and Miri, which was actually a really funny movie. (by that time i didn't really care either way.) Rachel and two of her friends came over also, so for a while there things were really loud and rambunctious. we ended up watching The Exorcist, and i fell asleep. whoops. Rachel and I ended up staying at Brien's for the night, because the movie ended at like, 4am. Rachel completely zonked out on the one couch, lol, sawing logs, and Brien and i stayed up until FIVE THIRTY IN THE MORNING talking. about... many things. finally, i conked out on the couch until about 12:30. By the time I woke up, Rachel had left for work and Brien was putzing around the kitchen. We made the rest of the pancakes from the batter the night before (it was uuuuber sticky, haha). We learned that he is not the best pancake maker. some of them turned out to be massive lumpy globs of gooey goodness. THEN, we played mariokart (he completely kicked my ass) and mario tennis. Lauren called me before my phone died, and she came back over to work on theory. We popped in Finding Nemo, and worked on chord progressions in minor mode. oh joy. I didn't end up leaving Brien's until 5pm - 22 hours straight. everyone in Tower was freaking out when I got back, lol. though i would never trade that night for anything!!

Sunday I had a crapload of work to do, since I had put it all off until that time. so sunday i holed up in my room and got stuff done. which was good, considering i had a draft of a paper due the next day, along with theory exercises.

yesterday was a really good day - classes seemed to move fast, they were interesting, and everyone was in a happy mood. i think it's 'cause it's getting warmer, so people are getting out of the winter funk. wierd thing - rachel and i went swimming last night. they have open swim hours here for an hour, and so we went and did some laps. i felt so strange in my bikini, while everyone else was in these streamline speedos and such. but it's good exercise, and lord knows i need to get back in shape.

today was alright - i didn't get into bed until almost one last night... and things have transpired that made me a teensy bit excited and unable to sleep. but i am not going to put the details on here, for fear of anyone that's not supposed to read them. it's hard to not get excited though. band was pretty good, actually... dr. jones commented on the trumpets' abilities on our russian piece, which made me happy. he told us he appreciated our hard work. i really like that piece, 'cause i play trumpet 2 and it is more of a soloistic part. and the rest of the night i have been reading up on my flute methods - we have a test tomorrow.

random thought #1 - i really love it when simple things can transform into something profound.

random thought #2 - benford and i haven't talked in three weeks. and i miss him like crazy.

this is a freaking long note. and i know it was mostly just boring stuff about life in general... but there you go.


quotable: "we love because it's the only true adventure." ~Nikki Giovanni

everything in moderation - except for sleep.

kay. so blogger is a complete JERKFACE and just deleted the last post i tried to publish...

Listening: 19-2000, Gorillaz
Welcome To The Black Parade, My Chemical Romance
Shook Me All Night Long, AC/DC
I Want You To Want Me, The Kinks
The Stars And Stripes Forever, John Philip Sousa, United States Army Band
The Purple Carnival, Harry L. Alford, United States Army Band
Dare You To Move, Switchfoot

i know i haven't posted in a while. i know.

friday night was uneventful... i just chillaxed and talked to bri online until THREE O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING. talked about everything under the sun... from angelina jolie to rhyming words to awkward uncle (don't ask).

i slept in saturday until 12:11. went to brunch by myself (which was okay, cause i was reeeeeally hungry). it must have been a mel gibson marathon, because braveheart was on right before what women want... so i watched those all day. bri and i discussed the powers of telepathy, and he said he could read my mind. for both of our sakes, i won't go into details. let's just say i had an obligatory drink.

sunday i slept in until 12:18. i didn't go to brunch, but helped sav move her crap yet again, this time into the room right next to mine. it's actually really sweet - i no longer have to walk all the way down the hall to talk to her. and she just comes in and flops on my bed at random times. i worked on homework, and watched part of the super bowl until lauren called - i helped her with music theory homework for AN HOUR AND A HALF. so i missed the entire last quarter of the game. oh well, stinking steelers.

today was alright, for a monday.
classes went fairly quickly and smoothly. (that's what she said, right?) and i have done absolutely nothing since i got out of class today, LOL. besides work on this FOR THE SECOND TIME and carry on three conversations at once... multitasking i has it.

i had a dream two nights ago about Hocking, and yes Bren, you were there. we were just driving around, it was a sunny day, and i had a bunny on my lap! i think there were fireworks involved; and physics; and i think the bunny told me something important but i can't remember it now.

and it's frustrating because i am having trouble falling asleep again. i had the same problem at home, but it hadn't affected me here until a couple of nights ago. i don't know if it has to do with the other people in the building making noise... or other things. but i am afraid to put in my earplugs cause i don't wanna miss my alarm.

today was....*shrugs shoulders*. i am exhausted from not sleeping well... classes seemed to drag on...
in intro. there was a guest speaker - he talked about starting a band class with fifth graders. it was funny, and i could relate to a bunch of the stuff *finally*. not that i don't love choir and all that, but it would be nice to do some instrumental stuff every once in a while too. choir is a whole other world to me. went to applebees with lauren - it was nice to get out and off campus and eat some good food, lol. i helped her with theory, and i think she is finally getting it. chord progressions aren't exactly difficult once you get the hang of things, but she didn't get the hang of things in the first place and was totally freaking out. so i helped her. we put stuff on the board, and got it all worked out. she said i would make a really good teacher, which made me feel so good. she said i was really patient and flexible. i guess that's what i'm good for. after that, i went to the library with my religion class to research our "sacred spaces". i am having a tough time, because my spot is kind of obscure, and i have had to broaden it to even find information. and i was really spacey today in class, so i had a tough time trying to get a thesis together. after class, i probably shouldn't have played games on the computer, because i had a crapload of homework. i had to read two chapters and two essays for my education class, finish theory, and work on skills. i haven't even started skills; i think i will wait until tomorrow when i have nothing better to do at work. band was decent tonight - we played the russian piece...

then sleep by whitacre...

then dream isaiah saw...


the last two pieces the witt choir is going to be singing with us, so it's kind of a boring part for the band. so practice wasn't the liveliest thing tonight.

guess who gets to work with Dr. K on saturday?! MEEE!!! oh how overjoyed i am.

"I want to trip inside your head
Spend the day there…
To hear the things you haven’t said
And see what you might see" -- Miracle Drug, U2