Mr. B asked if i would like to go to his classrooms with him. so he picked me up around 10:30 in his smooth little bmw and we went over to oakwood. there were only about 7 band kids, lol, so we didn't get much done. he asked me to play the trumpet and the kids were so in awe. i mean, it was like, essential elements stuff, so it wasn't anything hard. and he asked me to play a little from my solo so i did. we only had band for half an hour and B and i sat there and talked for a good 45 minutes before we went to eat. he took me to olive garden because he had a gift certificate, courtesy of dr. j. i really don't think i stopped smiling the whole time. he was very proud of me for eating all my vegetables. and salad. and he kept making fun of me for the damn breadsticks. so what if i enjoy breadsticks? he said hello to like 47 different people because they recognized him. i even saw maurice, who figured out that i had gone with B and said it was really wierd and i agreed. after lunch, we went over to the credit union so he could get money out... it was really funny because the whole time he was in line to get his money he kept turning around and winking at me as if to say, "hey, check out my abundance of 10 dollar bills." after that, we went back over to oakwood because he was supposed have band again, but they had a holiday dance party thing in the gym. as soon as he set foot in the door, all these kids ran up to him and started talking. it was really cute. they were having some kind of teacher competition hula hoop thing, and as soon as he saw that he tried to squeeze and hide back in the kitchen. i told him he needed to go out there and do it, but he refused. damn. so then he took me home. overall it was a fantastic day. the Oakroom has changed my life. i will never be the same. or so he says. i hope i can see him again; he said something about going to different schools, so maybe after break i will be able to. i can't wait. we have so many freaking jokes i laugh the whole time we are together.
got lots of stuff to do for christmas. still have to put up the tree, still have to get gifts, still have to make stuff. gahhhhh!!! but if today was to set the tone for the rest of break, i guess it will be full of laughs and food.
Monday, December 22, 2008
Monday, October 13, 2008
gun to stun
I love you.
But I'm nothing special.
Just another "blip" on your radar screen.
But what you don't see is that
this "blip" has stars above her head.
I'm nothing special.
Besides the fact that
I would do ANYTHING for you,
I guess I'm pretty average.
It's not like I'm the BEST at anything.
I don't have a special skill or secret talent.
But you make me feel
like I can soar.
But I'm nothing special.
Just another "blip" on your radar screen.
But what you don't see is that
this "blip" has stars above her head.
I'm nothing special.
Besides the fact that
I would do ANYTHING for you,
I guess I'm pretty average.
It's not like I'm the BEST at anything.
I don't have a special skill or secret talent.
But you make me feel
like I can soar.
i smile because i'm fine
thought i would blog, since it has been a bit, and i have been busy.
first off, i finally got to talk to Mr. B. halleluia!!! we had a really good talk. i had asked him if he ever got flak from people when he was in college about his choice of profession ... because i am experiencing that now. when i tell people that i want to be a band director and return to the ehspmb, they basically laugh in my face. i dont understand why people dont respect the fact that i am trying to do something i truly love and wish to do. i dont want to spend my life dreading going to work or not enjoying myself. i think that is pathetic and a waste. i cant even imagine what i would do if not teach. i cant picture myself doing anything else. the thing i love about teaching is that you have the ability to affect the future, through your students. most (if not all) of the people who have had a profound impact on my life have been teachers. anyway, back to Mr. B. he told me to brush it off. and told me that one of the noblest professions is teaching ... although it isn't paid like it. he also said that we were kind of going along the same path - its just that i am starting and he is near the end. it was really great to hear ... i think i knew that all along, but i needed to hear it from him.
this past weekend was homecoming. a very big production, i was surprised. i helped out at the family fun fest, where all the alumni come with their kids and do stuff. circle k was doing face painting. it was really AWESOME (sarcasm) because our booth was in the sun, and all of our paints were melting! there was also the homecoming parade. this really pisses me off - the gay straight alliance made a float for the parade. the night before, somebody set it on fire. how malicious can you get?? that just disgusts me. and what a way to spread bad press about the university. i cannot believe that someone would come to a liberal arts campus and be so ... mindless. i also bought a really cute shirt for the band concert but didnt wear it because it was short-sleeved and i didnt want to be "risque". i will wear it next time, though.
so yeah, like i said our first band concert was yesterday. i think we did really well. there were no huge mistakes that i could tell, and dr. j was just smiling the whole time when he was conducting. i really liked the concert overall. we got a standing ovation at the end, bwahahaha.
so i am just chilling down here in the basement = laundry. fun stuff. i put it off for a while, and i shouldnt have stuffed the one full of my jeans, but oh well. it should actually be time to move them to the dryer soon. oops - i just spotted the lightswitch. i am sitting in half darkness because i couldn't find the lightswitch. oh well. i like the darkness-ish. plus i dont want to freak out the creepy guy working on the broken elevator. it was creepy enough that he just stared at me when i came down with my clothes. ew.
i can't wait to go home this weekend. its fall break, which means i will get some extra time. and it is senior show, so maybe this time we won't crash and i will actually get to see the show!! and i am getting my hair cut. short again, probably. it has gotten really long, almost as long as i had it at the longest point. it is annoying. chop chop! and the fam is getting together at aunt lisa's for a casserole party. this might be the last time that i get to see grandma before she goes to florida. and monday i get to have the second dose of gardisil. i am SO not looking forward to that. it makes me dizzy and slightly nauseous. and i am out of it for the rest of the day, and it feels like the incredible hulk punched me in the arm. and i am heading back tuesday, because my mom has to work that day. oh well. at least i will get some more time. not like parade of bands, where i was only here for a day and a half. and maybe this time i will not have to drive through a hurricane, lol.
first off, i finally got to talk to Mr. B. halleluia!!! we had a really good talk. i had asked him if he ever got flak from people when he was in college about his choice of profession ... because i am experiencing that now. when i tell people that i want to be a band director and return to the ehspmb, they basically laugh in my face. i dont understand why people dont respect the fact that i am trying to do something i truly love and wish to do. i dont want to spend my life dreading going to work or not enjoying myself. i think that is pathetic and a waste. i cant even imagine what i would do if not teach. i cant picture myself doing anything else. the thing i love about teaching is that you have the ability to affect the future, through your students. most (if not all) of the people who have had a profound impact on my life have been teachers. anyway, back to Mr. B. he told me to brush it off. and told me that one of the noblest professions is teaching ... although it isn't paid like it. he also said that we were kind of going along the same path - its just that i am starting and he is near the end. it was really great to hear ... i think i knew that all along, but i needed to hear it from him.
this past weekend was homecoming. a very big production, i was surprised. i helped out at the family fun fest, where all the alumni come with their kids and do stuff. circle k was doing face painting. it was really AWESOME (sarcasm) because our booth was in the sun, and all of our paints were melting! there was also the homecoming parade. this really pisses me off - the gay straight alliance made a float for the parade. the night before, somebody set it on fire. how malicious can you get?? that just disgusts me. and what a way to spread bad press about the university. i cannot believe that someone would come to a liberal arts campus and be so ... mindless. i also bought a really cute shirt for the band concert but didnt wear it because it was short-sleeved and i didnt want to be "risque". i will wear it next time, though.
so yeah, like i said our first band concert was yesterday. i think we did really well. there were no huge mistakes that i could tell, and dr. j was just smiling the whole time when he was conducting. i really liked the concert overall. we got a standing ovation at the end, bwahahaha.
so i am just chilling down here in the basement = laundry. fun stuff. i put it off for a while, and i shouldnt have stuffed the one full of my jeans, but oh well. it should actually be time to move them to the dryer soon. oops - i just spotted the lightswitch. i am sitting in half darkness because i couldn't find the lightswitch. oh well. i like the darkness-ish. plus i dont want to freak out the creepy guy working on the broken elevator. it was creepy enough that he just stared at me when i came down with my clothes. ew.
i can't wait to go home this weekend. its fall break, which means i will get some extra time. and it is senior show, so maybe this time we won't crash and i will actually get to see the show!! and i am getting my hair cut. short again, probably. it has gotten really long, almost as long as i had it at the longest point. it is annoying. chop chop! and the fam is getting together at aunt lisa's for a casserole party. this might be the last time that i get to see grandma before she goes to florida. and monday i get to have the second dose of gardisil. i am SO not looking forward to that. it makes me dizzy and slightly nauseous. and i am out of it for the rest of the day, and it feels like the incredible hulk punched me in the arm. and i am heading back tuesday, because my mom has to work that day. oh well. at least i will get some more time. not like parade of bands, where i was only here for a day and a half. and maybe this time i will not have to drive through a hurricane, lol.
Saturday, October 04, 2008
stampede up the stairs
whoa. six weeks i've been here already. i can hardly believe it. where did it go? and now its starting to get colder ... the leaves are changing ... im getting into a poetic mood ...
everything is going really great. i enjoy most of my classes. except for music theory. i dont even see the point of coming to class anymore - i am basically learning everything from the textbook. i got 100% on my most recent test, yet in class he does nothing but confuse the heck out of me. cause i go into class thinking that i know this stuff, then i leave all twisted and messed up. erg.
i haven't talked to mr. b since i went home three weeks ago. its starting to get me depressed. i just want to talk to the guy, is that too much to ask? i miss him so freaking much. i think his wife might be getting ticked off ... either at me for calling so much, or at him for not returning my calls when he isn't home. i would just rather talk over the phone, because his emails are always so cryptic and strange and off the wall. but i suppose thats what you gotta deal with with him.
i wrote my first official college paper about band. how ironic is that. it was about a time when we were put into a stereotype by somebody, and what we did/do to combat that. so i wrote about band and how everybody thinks i am a loser for being so passionate about it, and the wierd looks i get when i tell people i am going into music education. cant they just appreciate the fact that i want to do something i totally love? what else could someone ask for in a career? i know it is going to be difficult. but i cannot see what else i would do other than this. i bring new meaning to the phrase "band nerds for life"!
nani is back in lifecare. she had a really bad uti infection, to the point where she was totally out of it mentally. it was quite scary, actually. my mom and uncle thought she actually had a stroke because of how out of it she was. so they took her to the hospital, spent some ungodly amount of time in the emergency room until my loud uncle threw the smackdown, and she stayed there overnight, i think. then they took her over to lifecare (assisted living) where i believe she still is. it was just that my uncle was getting to the point of being unable to do anything more for her - my mom said that when nani was put into lifecare, uncle jon basically spent that week sleeping. i sure hope things get better. sometimes she sounds good, and then some days she just doesnt sound well at all. part of it has to do with the chemotherapy, i guess. she takes chemo pills 4 days a month, and now she is starting to feel some of the effects of it. at the beginning it wasnt bad, but now she is getting real down in the dumps for those couple of days. i think its kind of cool that for part of her physical therapy, she is playing the wii! i had said that it was a great way to get out of the chair and actually move around. i just really hope that she gets better.
man i miss my family so freaking much. i didnt think that this would be so hard to do. even though i saw my mom and dad a couple of weeks ago for parents weekend, i still miss them like crazy. especially my dad. i dont talk to him as often as i do my mom, but i spent every day with him at home, because my mom was working. so its difficult for me to be far away like this. i am counting down the days to fall break - starts the 17th, and i am pretty sure mom is coming to pick me up that friday after i work. this time i will actually have more time to spend with the family. i get that following monday and tuesday off from school, so i dont have to be back until wednesday. which rocks. i wonder what mr. b will be doing that weekend? i was thinking maybe we could go to lunch or something.
ooo! that reminds me! i have to send an email to Shep. i found out that my friend L. (from minnesota) played the exact same song in high school for band. i thought that was the most crazy thing everrrrrrr!! and since Shep went on and on about that piece and composer, i thought he might enjoy that little anecdote.
man this is such a long post. but now that i have A LAPTOP, i will actually try to post more often on here. i dunno how well that will actually go, but i am going to try. i can't believe that 6 weeks have gone by!!!
Saturday, August 23, 2008
don't drink and drive
bleh bleh bleh.
another exciting day on the witt campus. we had "campus 101" and "safety and security" presentations today. Oh the joy. I got to sit in a FREEZING cold gym and listen to people for 3 hours talk about nothing that i didn't know already. i mean, i'm not 21, i'm not supposed to drink, lets just get past that and move on. thats seriously what much of the talk was about. apparently there is a party scene (where isn't there, on college campuses) but it got really repetitive after a while. I did make some more friends today...and i actually opened my mouth and asked a question to an O.A. i just don't know why i can't be the open and exciting and inviting person i want to be. just one of those people who everyone wants to meet. but instead i keep my lips sewn shut and put my hands in my pockets. Why? It's not like it ever hurt me to step out of my comfort zone. more on this later. i need to think about it.
i was looking out the window of the computer lab today, and I just realized how freaking lucky i am to be here. I. Love. It. I really do. everyone is so nice and helpful, all you have to do is ask. i can be independent and go wherever the hell i please. i feel this really is the place for me, and i think i can thrive and do some amazing stuff here. if i ever open my damn mouth.
i get my laptop first thing monday morning!! i'm going to the mail center at 9 sharp to get the damn thing. my first class isn't until 10:20, so i'll have a little time to get it up and running. my poor dad, he didn't even get to see the thing before he had to get to the post office to ship it to me before 5pm. hes probably soooo jealous, cause hes the one who designed it for me. it even has a fingerprint reader!! how sweet is that!
well, i think i might head down to the cdr with my roommate. i havent barely seen her all day....
another exciting day on the witt campus. we had "campus 101" and "safety and security" presentations today. Oh the joy. I got to sit in a FREEZING cold gym and listen to people for 3 hours talk about nothing that i didn't know already. i mean, i'm not 21, i'm not supposed to drink, lets just get past that and move on. thats seriously what much of the talk was about. apparently there is a party scene (where isn't there, on college campuses) but it got really repetitive after a while. I did make some more friends today...and i actually opened my mouth and asked a question to an O.A. i just don't know why i can't be the open and exciting and inviting person i want to be. just one of those people who everyone wants to meet. but instead i keep my lips sewn shut and put my hands in my pockets. Why? It's not like it ever hurt me to step out of my comfort zone. more on this later. i need to think about it.
i was looking out the window of the computer lab today, and I just realized how freaking lucky i am to be here. I. Love. It. I really do. everyone is so nice and helpful, all you have to do is ask. i can be independent and go wherever the hell i please. i feel this really is the place for me, and i think i can thrive and do some amazing stuff here. if i ever open my damn mouth.
i get my laptop first thing monday morning!! i'm going to the mail center at 9 sharp to get the damn thing. my first class isn't until 10:20, so i'll have a little time to get it up and running. my poor dad, he didn't even get to see the thing before he had to get to the post office to ship it to me before 5pm. hes probably soooo jealous, cause hes the one who designed it for me. it even has a fingerprint reader!! how sweet is that!
well, i think i might head down to the cdr with my roommate. i havent barely seen her all day....
Friday, August 22, 2008
come sail away
jesus its been a long time since i posted. so much has happened since june!
i went to canada the end of july. it was so fun. i went with kels again, so it was cool to be in the tent with her and spend time together. though this year was kind of different; she got a boyfriend, and ever since then i've been seeing less and less of her. it's not that i'm not happy for her, by all means, i want her to be happy. but seriously, i was the one that stuck by her through all that time. and since canada, i've seen her maybe twice? it just stinks because we used to be super close and all that, but now i don't even know her schedule. its kind of depressing, because no matter how hard i try not to fall apart it seems to happen.
and it doesn't help that i'm the only one of my friends thats going away. yeah, the only one. i mean, of my close close friends. everyone else is going to LC. i don't like it, because while i'm going off and doing some awesome things, all my friends still see each other and are still together. brenda has posted her status with a couple times now of "missing" me. but at least she and i can still text through verizon. woot.
so yea, i'm at college. its my first full day on my own. moving in yesterday was uneventful; we're still in these "new student days" so we've got all that "getting to know you" crap that every new group feels like its obligated to do. i've just been super tired. i mean, all this is kind of exausting. and overwhelming. i don't have energy to really get excited about the spirit rallies and stuff. at least tonight we'll be able to be a little eariler to bed; last night we didn't get back until maybe 11:15. and i still had to take a shower. its so freaking hot. but tonight i'm not going to the casino thing, partially because its hosted by greek and i'm not into that and cause it goes till 11 again. i just wanna sleep!!!
i found out that the book i ordered for my english class was wrong; its not my fault, but damn. i wondered why they had a film book for an english class. i'm not sure if i can return it, but at least i still have the reciepts. i'm trying to be judicious and keep track of all my spending, cause i don't have that much cashola. i mean, i do, i just don't want to spend it.
i also found out that i won't be able to get my laptop until freaking monday. :(((((
sucks real bad. for now i have to use these crap computers on my floor in my dorm (excuse me, Residence Halls). I want it sooooo bad!!! I want to be able to just open it up and go anywhere in the world without having to go to the library or go to a lab. erggggggg.
classes start in three days. this is going to be interesting. i have no idea what to expect. though today was interesting; we had our wittsems, and the teacher (jimmy) was totally cool. he wore denim overalls. honestly? I don't think i even own a pair of those anymore. but he's really funny in a sarcastic/witty kind of way. he doesn't like people saying "um". and smart-ass me, whats the first word that comes out of my mouth when i go to talk to him? UM! way to make a sweet first impression. but we talked about gay monkeys today. Yeah - this girl asked who came up with the "traditional family values" of a mom dad and two kids. well he went on this total tangent about how he had to watch these monkeys one time for a college class. well the lady monkeys were dominant, so they got to choose their mates. and this one girl chose this one boy, and she beat him up because he didn't want to go with her, he wanted to go with other boy monkeys! That's pretty much the only thing i took away from that class. needless to say, we didn't get any homework. i think that is going to be one interesting class.
well, time to go. i think my roommate is done showering by now. i gave her half an hour....?
i went to canada the end of july. it was so fun. i went with kels again, so it was cool to be in the tent with her and spend time together. though this year was kind of different; she got a boyfriend, and ever since then i've been seeing less and less of her. it's not that i'm not happy for her, by all means, i want her to be happy. but seriously, i was the one that stuck by her through all that time. and since canada, i've seen her maybe twice? it just stinks because we used to be super close and all that, but now i don't even know her schedule. its kind of depressing, because no matter how hard i try not to fall apart it seems to happen.
and it doesn't help that i'm the only one of my friends thats going away. yeah, the only one. i mean, of my close close friends. everyone else is going to LC. i don't like it, because while i'm going off and doing some awesome things, all my friends still see each other and are still together. brenda has posted her status with a couple times now of "missing" me. but at least she and i can still text through verizon. woot.
so yea, i'm at college. its my first full day on my own. moving in yesterday was uneventful; we're still in these "new student days" so we've got all that "getting to know you" crap that every new group feels like its obligated to do. i've just been super tired. i mean, all this is kind of exausting. and overwhelming. i don't have energy to really get excited about the spirit rallies and stuff. at least tonight we'll be able to be a little eariler to bed; last night we didn't get back until maybe 11:15. and i still had to take a shower. its so freaking hot. but tonight i'm not going to the casino thing, partially because its hosted by greek and i'm not into that and cause it goes till 11 again. i just wanna sleep!!!
i found out that the book i ordered for my english class was wrong; its not my fault, but damn. i wondered why they had a film book for an english class. i'm not sure if i can return it, but at least i still have the reciepts. i'm trying to be judicious and keep track of all my spending, cause i don't have that much cashola. i mean, i do, i just don't want to spend it.
i also found out that i won't be able to get my laptop until freaking monday. :(((((
sucks real bad. for now i have to use these crap computers on my floor in my dorm (excuse me, Residence Halls). I want it sooooo bad!!! I want to be able to just open it up and go anywhere in the world without having to go to the library or go to a lab. erggggggg.
classes start in three days. this is going to be interesting. i have no idea what to expect. though today was interesting; we had our wittsems, and the teacher (jimmy) was totally cool. he wore denim overalls. honestly? I don't think i even own a pair of those anymore. but he's really funny in a sarcastic/witty kind of way. he doesn't like people saying "um". and smart-ass me, whats the first word that comes out of my mouth when i go to talk to him? UM! way to make a sweet first impression. but we talked about gay monkeys today. Yeah - this girl asked who came up with the "traditional family values" of a mom dad and two kids. well he went on this total tangent about how he had to watch these monkeys one time for a college class. well the lady monkeys were dominant, so they got to choose their mates. and this one girl chose this one boy, and she beat him up because he didn't want to go with her, he wanted to go with other boy monkeys! That's pretty much the only thing i took away from that class. needless to say, we didn't get any homework. i think that is going to be one interesting class.
well, time to go. i think my roommate is done showering by now. i gave her half an hour....?
Thursday, June 26, 2008
A Great Heist
Dream hard of me
tonight.
What I would do
for a moment alone, to
invade your consciousness
and sieze your magnificent thoughts.
Transfix yourself upon me
tomorrow.
How I wish I were there,
by your side, to
hijack your tender bodyheat
and pillage your once-perfect life.
You've made me a burglar,
but I don't think I'll ever
make off with your loot.
tonight.
What I would do
for a moment alone, to
invade your consciousness
and sieze your magnificent thoughts.
Transfix yourself upon me
tomorrow.
How I wish I were there,
by your side, to
hijack your tender bodyheat
and pillage your once-perfect life.
You've made me a burglar,
but I don't think I'll ever
make off with your loot.
Later, Alligator
Hey!
Stop it!
Get out of my head!
You know, it's really distracting
when I'm trying to finish this calculus test,
and YOU come prancing into my head.
And then I forget all about those stupid integrals,
and what I'm going to eat for lunch,
and when that scholarship is due.
You've captivated me,
stolen my attention span (it's short enough already)
and all I can think about is you.
It kind of pisses me off,
'cause I can't focus on anything
when YOUR silly self
is waltzing into and on my brain.
Get out!
Can't I at least finish this test?
Stop it!
Get out of my head!
You know, it's really distracting
when I'm trying to finish this calculus test,
and YOU come prancing into my head.
And then I forget all about those stupid integrals,
and what I'm going to eat for lunch,
and when that scholarship is due.
You've captivated me,
stolen my attention span (it's short enough already)
and all I can think about is you.
It kind of pisses me off,
'cause I can't focus on anything
when YOUR silly self
is waltzing into and on my brain.
Get out!
Can't I at least finish this test?
Conquering Corporate America (or so it says)
So it's really freaking hot out today. I'm at the library right now. Joy, i get to walk home.
i went to the band meeting with jessica last night. i was her surrogate mother, thank you very much. not that i have a life and would have been doing something spectacular otherwise, eh? but they made the official announcement that mr. b is gone. he's going to be teaching four different elementary schools. and, ironically, one of them is down the street from my house! and i also found out that it wasnt his choice. they made him go. and also, i was the first person (other than the other music teachers) that he talked to after getting the news through that ugly meeting. i feel so bad for the guy. he looked dang close to tears that day. Oh, yeah. and they're getting rid of the band mascot. THEY ARE GETTING RID OF THE BAND MASCOT. i don't freaking believe it. almost 30 years, and its going away. i'm just really glad that i got to dress up and do it this year. and for mr. b's fiftieth birthday, too. ha ha.
but honestly, i have to get over this crap. i mean, i'm not in band anymore. im not in high school anymore. seriously considering not going to band camp this summer. really. except for jessica. i told the shep (the new director) last night that if he needed any help this summer that i would be home. but i doubt they will call me. whatever. i'm on to bigger and better and badder things.
wrote a poem last night.
Rescuer's Release
Please don't leave
me
here.
You grabbed me from the fire,
ashen and shaky,
smooth hands pressing on my rough ones.
My scarred feet fell free as you carried me,
strong arms leading along the dirt road.
You now set me down, and i am
unable to move or think.
You don't look back
as I wail your name
or cry your tears.
You keep going, soot under your fingernails
and smoke supporting your dreams.
i went to the band meeting with jessica last night. i was her surrogate mother, thank you very much. not that i have a life and would have been doing something spectacular otherwise, eh? but they made the official announcement that mr. b is gone. he's going to be teaching four different elementary schools. and, ironically, one of them is down the street from my house! and i also found out that it wasnt his choice. they made him go. and also, i was the first person (other than the other music teachers) that he talked to after getting the news through that ugly meeting. i feel so bad for the guy. he looked dang close to tears that day. Oh, yeah. and they're getting rid of the band mascot. THEY ARE GETTING RID OF THE BAND MASCOT. i don't freaking believe it. almost 30 years, and its going away. i'm just really glad that i got to dress up and do it this year. and for mr. b's fiftieth birthday, too. ha ha.
but honestly, i have to get over this crap. i mean, i'm not in band anymore. im not in high school anymore. seriously considering not going to band camp this summer. really. except for jessica. i told the shep (the new director) last night that if he needed any help this summer that i would be home. but i doubt they will call me. whatever. i'm on to bigger and better and badder things.
wrote a poem last night.
Rescuer's Release
Please don't leave
me
here.
You grabbed me from the fire,
ashen and shaky,
smooth hands pressing on my rough ones.
My scarred feet fell free as you carried me,
strong arms leading along the dirt road.
You now set me down, and i am
unable to move or think.
You don't look back
as I wail your name
or cry your tears.
You keep going, soot under your fingernails
and smoke supporting your dreams.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Slow but speedy, that's me.
So for some reason blogger wouldn't let me sign in for the longest time. so i have a lot to catch up on.
well, first off, i graduated. duh. that was an amazing day, let me tell you. it was windy and sunny, so we kept staring into the sun, and our tassels/mortarboards kept trying to fly off. but i felt so proud for our class, and our town, and all of that. too bad my grandmother couldn't come: she has cancer again. and it doesn't look good. it's in her bones, which....i dunno. she's taking chemotherapy through pills, which is interesting because she doesn't have to go out to a clinic to do the chemo; just takes these pills four times a month. i sure hope she is going to be okay. i am dreading the day..............
and so with my graduation that means band is now over too. poop. i still think i'm kind of in denial; i just can't let it go. and, on top of that, the band director, my band director, Mr. B, the one person who made my life freaking awesome through band, is no longer the band director. it was such a shock; 25 years, and all of a sudden he's just up and out. i don't know if the administration just told him that he would go, or that he decided to step down, or maybe a combination of the two.... it just depresses the hell out of me. i mean, okay. think of the one teacher that you absolutely LOVED; i mean, your favoritist ever. that was my band director to me. i'm going to wittenberg university in the fall for music education; i want to be the first female band director at my high school, just putting that out there. but if it wasn't for mr. b, i probably wouldn't be going there. he helped me sooooooo much with my audition, getting music, and practicing, he didn't have to do all that. but he did. and he even took me down there for the audition!! i mean, three hours one way, that's just crazy. i love him to death and i have him to thank for making this what it was. and now he's gone. i think he's going to the elementary schools, but i don't know for sure. if he is, that would be sweet cause i could still see him. i just hope this all doesn't make it awkward between us, because marching band is what held us together, and now that's not there anymore. Ugh. this is so frustrating. i wish he would talk to me. he just sent me one email telling me that he was sorry that he didnn't feel comfortable coming to my grad party. that's it. i've sent him about five or six emails over the past two weeks, but they went ignored. i just want him to talk to me.
so i'm getting a new laptop. within about a week. hopefully i can keep this updated a bit more often, eh? its custom built, with my dad's input to the company. i'm so happy he did that for me. i mean, they could have bought me just some crap pc from best buy or something, but my dad wanted to make sure i was happy with it and it would do exactly what i wanted it for.
right now i'm at jessi's house. i stayed the night. she has a drum meeting at the school right now, but i saw shep and i said SEE YA'LL LATER!! i kind of feel bad now. but i love her to death. we went bike riding yesterday, and happened to see the lady that used to take care of us through daycare. i mean, these are some of the earliest memories i have. and we saw her. we even got to go through her house, seeing the old rooms where we took our naps; our playroom; our basement/classroom; man it was awesome. we went through some of her pictures and reminisced. fun stuff.
alright. i think i might be done for this post. but i couldn't be sure. adios muchachos. talk later. my wrists hurt.
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