gun to stun

I love you.
But I'm nothing special.
Just another "blip" on your radar screen.
But what you don't see is that
this "blip" has stars above her head.

I'm nothing special.
Besides the fact that
I would do ANYTHING for you,
I guess I'm pretty average.

It's not like I'm the BEST at anything.
I don't have a special skill or secret talent.

But you make me feel
like I can soar.

i smile because i'm fine

thought i would blog, since it has been a bit, and i have been busy.

first off, i finally got to talk to Mr. B. halleluia!!! we had a really good talk. i had asked him if he ever got flak from people when he was in college about his choice of profession ... because i am experiencing that now. when i tell people that i want to be a band director and return to the ehspmb, they basically laugh in my face. i dont understand why people dont respect the fact that i am trying to do something i truly love and wish to do. i dont want to spend my life dreading going to work or not enjoying myself. i think that is pathetic and a waste. i cant even imagine what i would do if not teach. i cant picture myself doing anything else. the thing i love about teaching is that you have the ability to affect the future, through your students. most (if not all) of the people who have had a profound impact on my life have been teachers. anyway, back to Mr. B. he told me to brush it off. and told me that one of the noblest professions is teaching ... although it isn't paid like it. he also said that we were kind of going along the same path - its just that i am starting and he is near the end. it was really great to hear ... i think i knew that all along, but i needed to hear it from him.

this past weekend was homecoming. a very big production, i was surprised. i helped out at the family fun fest, where all the alumni come with their kids and do stuff. circle k was doing face painting. it was really AWESOME (sarcasm) because our booth was in the sun, and all of our paints were melting! there was also the homecoming parade. this really pisses me off - the gay straight alliance made a float for the parade. the night before, somebody set it on fire. how malicious can you get?? that just disgusts me. and what a way to spread bad press about the university. i cannot believe that someone would come to a liberal arts campus and be so ... mindless. i also bought a really cute shirt for the band concert but didnt wear it because it was short-sleeved and i didnt want to be "risque". i will wear it next time, though.

so yeah, like i said our first band concert was yesterday. i think we did really well. there were no huge mistakes that i could tell, and dr. j was just smiling the whole time when he was conducting. i really liked the concert overall. we got a standing ovation at the end, bwahahaha.

so i am just chilling down here in the basement = laundry. fun stuff. i put it off for a while, and i shouldnt have stuffed the one full of my jeans, but oh well. it should actually be time to move them to the dryer soon. oops - i just spotted the lightswitch. i am sitting in half darkness because i couldn't find the lightswitch. oh well. i like the darkness-ish. plus i dont want to freak out the creepy guy working on the broken elevator. it was creepy enough that he just stared at me when i came down with my clothes. ew.

i can't wait to go home this weekend. its fall break, which means i will get some extra time. and it is senior show, so maybe this time we won't crash and i will actually get to see the show!! and i am getting my hair cut. short again, probably. it has gotten really long, almost as long as i had it at the longest point. it is annoying. chop chop! and the fam is getting together at aunt lisa's for a casserole party. this might be the last time that i get to see grandma before she goes to florida. and monday i get to have the second dose of gardisil. i am SO not looking forward to that. it makes me dizzy and slightly nauseous. and i am out of it for the rest of the day, and it feels like the incredible hulk punched me in the arm. and i am heading back tuesday, because my mom has to work that day. oh well. at least i will get some more time. not like parade of bands, where i was only here for a day and a half. and maybe this time i will not have to drive through a hurricane, lol.

stampede up the stairs

whoa. six weeks i've been here already. i can hardly believe it. where did it go? and now its starting to get colder ... the leaves are changing ... im getting into a poetic mood ...

everything is going really great. i enjoy most of my classes. except for music theory. i dont even see the point of coming to class anymore - i am basically learning everything from the textbook. i got 100% on my most recent test, yet in class he does nothing but confuse the heck out of me. cause i go into class thinking that i know this stuff, then i leave all twisted and messed up. erg.

i haven't talked to mr. b since i went home three weeks ago. its starting to get me depressed. i just want to talk to the guy, is that too much to ask? i miss him so freaking much. i think his wife might be getting ticked off ... either at me for calling so much, or at him for not returning my calls when he isn't home. i would just rather talk over the phone, because his emails are always so cryptic and strange and off the wall. but i suppose thats what you gotta deal with with him.

i wrote my first official college paper about band. how ironic is that. it was about a time when we were put into a stereotype by somebody, and what we did/do to combat that. so i wrote about band and how everybody thinks i am a loser for being so passionate about it, and the wierd looks i get when i tell people i am going into music education. cant they just appreciate the fact that i want to do something i totally love? what else could someone ask for in a career? i know it is going to be difficult. but i cannot see what else i would do other than this. i bring new meaning to the phrase "band nerds for life"!

nani is back in lifecare. she had a really bad uti infection, to the point where she was totally out of it mentally. it was quite scary, actually. my mom and uncle thought she actually had a stroke because of how out of it she was. so they took her to the hospital, spent some ungodly amount of time in the emergency room until my loud uncle threw the smackdown, and she stayed there overnight, i think. then they took her over to lifecare (assisted living) where i believe she still is. it was just that my uncle was getting to the point of being unable to do anything more for her - my mom said that when nani was put into lifecare, uncle jon basically spent that week sleeping. i sure hope things get better. sometimes she sounds good, and then some days she just doesnt sound well at all. part of it has to do with the chemotherapy, i guess. she takes chemo pills 4 days a month, and now she is starting to feel some of the effects of it. at the beginning it wasnt bad, but now she is getting real down in the dumps for those couple of days. i think its kind of cool that for part of her physical therapy, she is playing the wii! i had said that it was a great way to get out of the chair and actually move around. i just really hope that she gets better.

man i miss my family so freaking much. i didnt think that this would be so hard to do. even though i saw my mom and dad a couple of weeks ago for parents weekend, i still miss them like crazy. especially my dad. i dont talk to him as often as i do my mom, but i spent every day with him at home, because my mom was working. so its difficult for me to be far away like this. i am counting down the days to fall break - starts the 17th, and i am pretty sure mom is coming to pick me up that friday after i work. this time i will actually have more time to spend with the family. i get that following monday and tuesday off from school, so i dont have to be back until wednesday. which rocks. i wonder what mr. b will be doing that weekend? i was thinking maybe we could go to lunch or something.

ooo! that reminds me! i have to send an email to Shep. i found out that my friend L. (from minnesota) played the exact same song in high school for band. i thought that was the most crazy thing everrrrrrr!! and since Shep went on and on about that piece and composer, i thought he might enjoy that little anecdote.

man this is such a long post. but now that i have A LAPTOP, i will actually try to post more often on here. i dunno how well that will actually go, but i am going to try. i can't believe that 6 weeks have gone by!!!