Things To Look Forward To:
.5) pool party tomorrow, *hopefully*
1) going to the racetrack this weekend
2) cedar point next tuesday
3) going to Blossom for a 4th of July concert
4) Buca DiBeppo's with the wedding party
5) The wedding. Had no clue i was a maid of honor.
6) packing for canada
7) leaving for canada
8) two weeks of vacation in canada
9) my cousin's wedding
10) dave matthews band concert at Blossom
11) median birfday
12) going back to school
Monday, June 22, 2009
Sunday, June 14, 2009
down in the clear blue
i'm aware that i haven't posted a blog for a while. over a week, actually. a few eventful things happened.
firstly, i guess the biggest thing... my great aunt died last week. she'd been of failing health for a while, but an aneurism and a few strokes later, she passed away. the funeral was saturday morning. and i was fine until we went to the cemetery and buried her next to my grandfather. since i can count the number of times i've been to the cemetary on one hand, it brought up a whole bucket of emotions/grief that i honestly wasn't prepared to deal with. i still can't believe how poorly i handle that kind of thing. i can't believe it's been 6 years since he died.
i also went skinny dipping. like, hardcore. it was quite funny actually. COLD, too. there were four of us in the pool. at one point, brittany's neighbor came out and yelled at us. i mean, it was dark and she couldn't see anything, but i was trying so hard not to make a sound. and then somebody went on the deck and turned the motion sensor light on... so we all freaked out for like 10 minutes, trying to look as inconspicuous as possible while waiting for the light to go off. afterwards, we were all pretty freezing and hungry, so we went to Denny's. then we came back and learned the cup game from zoom in an hour. i've successfully passed it on to my cousins, too. then we watched liar liar (it's a goose!) and finally fell asleep between 4 and 5. woke up around 11 and got bitched out by brittany's mom because we apparently woke her up.
i've had a few interesting discussions about religion recently. the pastor who spoke at my aunt's funeral, rather than commemorating and celebrating aunt ruthie's life, talked all about finding forgiveness for our sins and accepting jesus christ as our savior. and if we didn't do that, then we wouldn't be going to heaven. it just rubbed me the wrong way. obviously i've made some bad decisions, but i don't necessarily consider them sins. and when i'm made to feel guilty - isn't there something wrong with that? i didn't realize religion was a guilt trip. i thought it was about loving and accepting and helping people out. not guilt. but i had a talk with my mom, and jessica, and a few people from church over brunch. it was wierd how energized and excited it got me. a few people from church always ask me when i'm going to seminary. even though it's not even remotely in my plans... it's still kind of intriguing. i have a lot more questions before i even begin to explore that route. and plus, i think music is the path for me. i can't really see myself pastoring to a church. there are sides of ministry that really interest me, and there are other parts that really turn me off. who knows. hopefully one day i'll figure all this out.
the other really giant thing i've found out/dealt with recently can't really be discussed here. it involves some deceit, questions, too many emotions, and choices. for fear of who could discover this... i'm going to keep it private. but i sure hope things are going to get better.
firstly, i guess the biggest thing... my great aunt died last week. she'd been of failing health for a while, but an aneurism and a few strokes later, she passed away. the funeral was saturday morning. and i was fine until we went to the cemetery and buried her next to my grandfather. since i can count the number of times i've been to the cemetary on one hand, it brought up a whole bucket of emotions/grief that i honestly wasn't prepared to deal with. i still can't believe how poorly i handle that kind of thing. i can't believe it's been 6 years since he died.
i also went skinny dipping. like, hardcore. it was quite funny actually. COLD, too. there were four of us in the pool. at one point, brittany's neighbor came out and yelled at us. i mean, it was dark and she couldn't see anything, but i was trying so hard not to make a sound. and then somebody went on the deck and turned the motion sensor light on... so we all freaked out for like 10 minutes, trying to look as inconspicuous as possible while waiting for the light to go off. afterwards, we were all pretty freezing and hungry, so we went to Denny's. then we came back and learned the cup game from zoom in an hour. i've successfully passed it on to my cousins, too. then we watched liar liar (it's a goose!) and finally fell asleep between 4 and 5. woke up around 11 and got bitched out by brittany's mom because we apparently woke her up.
i've had a few interesting discussions about religion recently. the pastor who spoke at my aunt's funeral, rather than commemorating and celebrating aunt ruthie's life, talked all about finding forgiveness for our sins and accepting jesus christ as our savior. and if we didn't do that, then we wouldn't be going to heaven. it just rubbed me the wrong way. obviously i've made some bad decisions, but i don't necessarily consider them sins. and when i'm made to feel guilty - isn't there something wrong with that? i didn't realize religion was a guilt trip. i thought it was about loving and accepting and helping people out. not guilt. but i had a talk with my mom, and jessica, and a few people from church over brunch. it was wierd how energized and excited it got me. a few people from church always ask me when i'm going to seminary. even though it's not even remotely in my plans... it's still kind of intriguing. i have a lot more questions before i even begin to explore that route. and plus, i think music is the path for me. i can't really see myself pastoring to a church. there are sides of ministry that really interest me, and there are other parts that really turn me off. who knows. hopefully one day i'll figure all this out.
the other really giant thing i've found out/dealt with recently can't really be discussed here. it involves some deceit, questions, too many emotions, and choices. for fear of who could discover this... i'm going to keep it private. but i sure hope things are going to get better.
Thursday, June 04, 2009
beyond a doubt
some of these days, you'll see what you've been missing.
so i really love technology right now. and that's NOT sarcasm. stephanie burned the "Beyond the Sea" soundtrack with Kevin Spacey, and it didn't work in my cd player so i was really bummed. but i put it in my laptop and i can finally listen to it! and i even copied the songs to my mp3 player. so that got me on a kick of adding new songs to my player. too bad it's kind of old and can only hold 68 songs, haha. oh well. at least i can cram my favorites on there.
hmm... let's see... what has my week consisted of...
tuesday i went up to my elementary school to see benford. i got to talk to him for a bit. i was trying to coordinate a surprise with him for jessica, but she figured it out. so she came up for a little bit. after a bit he had to go to one of his other schools so jessica and i went back to my house. my future sister in law picked us up to go out to strongsville and get our dresses fitted. they only had to take about 5 or 6 inches off the bottom of mine... yay... once we got back from that, jessica and i went BACK up to the elementary school because i found out that my second grade teacher is retiring this year. so i had to see her one last time. and we also saw my fifth grade teacher and another teacher. it was kind of wierd actually. to think that i spent so many years in that school and already am being forgotten. it's really depressing. so after that jess and i met up with her mom at Smitty's. yum yum.
wednesday, jessica and i went shopping for a picnic that was SUPPOSED to happen. buuuut someone got my number wrong, so while he left a message on some random person's voicemail, jess and i chilled at cascade park for like an hour waiting for him to show up. it kind of sucked. i was slightly ticked off, but i can't really hold it against him because he DID try to call. so then we went to smitty's AGAIN because jess wanted chicken paprikash. and the library again. and then we went to rocky river to see an advance showing of "The Proposal". it actually wasn't bad! i was kind of impressed. went back to steph's house for a mini fire afterwards, but it was frickin cold and nothing would catch fire because we've had so much frickin rain that everything is still wet. when is the summer sun going to come out?! didn't get home until like 1am. whatevs.
oh hey, today's thursday. woke up relatively early... like, 11:30 haha. got things coordinated to go out for ice cream with mrs. runion. we met up at the school and went to dairy queen. it was quite enjoyable. until i started talking about one of my teachers whom i saw shirtless... and it was NOT a pretty sight. sorry mr. barnes. (it's not what you think. he lives near me and i just happened to be passing the day he was outside doing yardwork...shirtless. aggg.) and mrs. runion ended up being a creeper and followed us all the way back across town. i hadn't realized how much i missed her this past year. so then jessica and i dropped people off... went to the library ONCE AGAIN, and went to taco bell for dinner. and i signed online and here i sit, five hours later.
gotta go up to the church tomorrow to set up things for saturday's shower. my mom is driving me nuts because she's so stressed. but i'm trying to help her as much as i can. my technological skills come in handy once in a while.
i just got the urge to play my trumpet. wierd.
things are on an upswing again. hopefully this will last longer than last time, because that was really starting to piss me off how life just kicked me in the ass.
still no word on a boy. sigh. what is it going to take to find a decent guy? anyway...
so i really love technology right now. and that's NOT sarcasm. stephanie burned the "Beyond the Sea" soundtrack with Kevin Spacey, and it didn't work in my cd player so i was really bummed. but i put it in my laptop and i can finally listen to it! and i even copied the songs to my mp3 player. so that got me on a kick of adding new songs to my player. too bad it's kind of old and can only hold 68 songs, haha. oh well. at least i can cram my favorites on there.
hmm... let's see... what has my week consisted of...
tuesday i went up to my elementary school to see benford. i got to talk to him for a bit. i was trying to coordinate a surprise with him for jessica, but she figured it out. so she came up for a little bit. after a bit he had to go to one of his other schools so jessica and i went back to my house. my future sister in law picked us up to go out to strongsville and get our dresses fitted. they only had to take about 5 or 6 inches off the bottom of mine... yay... once we got back from that, jessica and i went BACK up to the elementary school because i found out that my second grade teacher is retiring this year. so i had to see her one last time. and we also saw my fifth grade teacher and another teacher. it was kind of wierd actually. to think that i spent so many years in that school and already am being forgotten. it's really depressing. so after that jess and i met up with her mom at Smitty's. yum yum.
wednesday, jessica and i went shopping for a picnic that was SUPPOSED to happen. buuuut someone got my number wrong, so while he left a message on some random person's voicemail, jess and i chilled at cascade park for like an hour waiting for him to show up. it kind of sucked. i was slightly ticked off, but i can't really hold it against him because he DID try to call. so then we went to smitty's AGAIN because jess wanted chicken paprikash. and the library again. and then we went to rocky river to see an advance showing of "The Proposal". it actually wasn't bad! i was kind of impressed. went back to steph's house for a mini fire afterwards, but it was frickin cold and nothing would catch fire because we've had so much frickin rain that everything is still wet. when is the summer sun going to come out?! didn't get home until like 1am. whatevs.
oh hey, today's thursday. woke up relatively early... like, 11:30 haha. got things coordinated to go out for ice cream with mrs. runion. we met up at the school and went to dairy queen. it was quite enjoyable. until i started talking about one of my teachers whom i saw shirtless... and it was NOT a pretty sight. sorry mr. barnes. (it's not what you think. he lives near me and i just happened to be passing the day he was outside doing yardwork...shirtless. aggg.) and mrs. runion ended up being a creeper and followed us all the way back across town. i hadn't realized how much i missed her this past year. so then jessica and i dropped people off... went to the library ONCE AGAIN, and went to taco bell for dinner. and i signed online and here i sit, five hours later.
gotta go up to the church tomorrow to set up things for saturday's shower. my mom is driving me nuts because she's so stressed. but i'm trying to help her as much as i can. my technological skills come in handy once in a while.
i just got the urge to play my trumpet. wierd.
things are on an upswing again. hopefully this will last longer than last time, because that was really starting to piss me off how life just kicked me in the ass.
still no word on a boy. sigh. what is it going to take to find a decent guy? anyway...
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