pick me up love, from the bottom

yes i know it's been three weeks since i've posted a blog. honestly i just haven't been turned on to the idea of writing and i've been lazy and too busy. it's this time of year where all the profs try to cram in that one last project or paper or something. i am in the midst of finishing a 9 page paper, writing an original composition, playing a piece on trumpet and piano, preparing a presentation for a movie in my education class, writing another assignment for education, preparing for the proficiency test in skills, re-doing my test in music history, and working on stuff for my piano final. this is all taking place in the next week and a half. i am SO counting down to the 16th because that will mean that i am done, i can go home and never see this hell of a semester again.

besides all the work and craziness, i have to say that this is close to being my favorite semester yet. i finally feel comfortable, i have friends all over, i feel independent and i have the guts to do stuff i didn't think i could. i have learned to manage my time and am on top of everything (for the most part).

so i went home for thanksgiving. not that special. i mean, i loved being able to see my friends and family, but there was some drama at my grandmother's house when we went for thanksgiving dinner and i saw just how dysfunctional my family really was. on the other hand, my grandma has started going through all her pictures, and it was so awesome because she has original pictures dating back to the 1870s. can you believe that?! i saw pictures of my great-great-great grandmother. almost unfathomable. i think when i go home for christmas i will help her with sorting through some of them.

this past week was just crazy. i got charged for overloading on credits - almost $1100 dollars. and on top of that, they're getting rid of the Pell grant, so there goes about $2000 of my tuition. So even though i got the credits thing fixed (the registrar's office had made a mistake...) i am still going to be short about $2300 for next semester. i mean, it could be a lot worse, considering full tuition and room and board is $45,000, but still. i don't have $2300 just laying around... let alone $23. so that financial stuff on top of all the stress of finals just sucks. i just feel sad today.

on one good note, though, i finished my trumpet lessons for this year today! no lessons until january 18th, praise the gods. and we had our band concert this past sunday, so i don't have band until next year either. i'll finally have my tuesday and thursday nights back. not that i'll really be using them for things other than homework and papers and crap...

blah blah blah. i hate those days where you feel melancholy and you don't know why. well, that's a lie, i kind of do know why but it involves someone else and i guess i should just never get my hopes up in the first place because i always come out of it feeling bummed. ugggh. but i do feel melancholy. yeah, i like that word, deal with it.

ooh! we got snow this morning. about freakin' time.

ugh, i just want to go home right now. the band concert on sunday depressed me kind of too, because there were maybe three people that i knew that came, two of them professors. it's just hard to perform for people i don't know... and then i get bummed because people i want to come and look for don't come at all.

i miss northern ohio. i miss walking down the street to my old schools. i miss my friends. and my family. i miss the roads being plowed every two hours because of the snowfall. i miss making snow forts with jessica. i miss singing songs while walking home from school. i miss my dad. and my mom. and my brother. I MISS MY BED. i miss benford. i miss not having to shower with flipflops on. i miss not having to pay quarters to do my laundry. i miss having a boyfriend. i miss my old teachers. i miss walking around downtown. i miss the library. i miss RALPH. i miss making odd concoctions for dinner because i'm too lazy to actually cook anything. i miss practicing my trumpet in my room and my dad coming in to ask me some stupid question. i miss shopping with my mom. i miss sleeping over at jessica's house. i miss sleepovers in general. i miss everything right now.

wow, sorry. melancholia makes me nostalgic.

let's hope i'm in a better mood the next time i write.