Saturday, May 19, 2012

Honest with myself

One week ago I graduated from college.

It seems kind of hard to believe, actually. I don't feel any different. I don't look any different. I don't think any different.

Or maybe I do.

For the first time in my life, I no longer have school. It's over. Done. And, unless a miracle happens and I can afford grad school, that might not happen for a while either. While I am extremely grateful to have a job, I can't help but still feel scared.
I think the main reason I am scared is simply because school isn't there anymore. To put it bluntly (and I don't want to come off as an arrogant asshole) I'm good at school. I've always gotten good grades, I've always tried hard (except for chemistry, I gave up on that crap). Hell, I wrote a 20 page paper the night before and got a B+ on it. Not one of my shining moments, but I can come through in the clutch.
And now... I'm scared that I won't be as good at anything anymore. Yes, this is a little irrational. But a part of me can't help but feel that I'm not ready for 'the real world'. Part of me is worried that I'm going to do something stupid and screw up all the good things going here.

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