you couldn't pay --oh yeah.

i must remember to stop procrastinating. i have a paper due tomorrow for my sociological perspectives in education class (what a mouthful - i usually just say education). i didn't even start on it until friday, and we've had the assignment for a week i think. it's really going to catch up to me... i can feel it. i missed a class because i went to OMEA convention, so the one prompt i really have no clue on. apparently that was the day that we discussed all this... and i am just completely stuck. i suppose i can pull it through, but it's due at 4pm tomorrow afternoon. SHOOT. (i didn't swear because this was one of my new years resolutions? see? aren't you proud of me??)

so i went to see the Atlantic Brass Quintet tonight, with some of the music majors. unfortunately i can't find a youtube video to post here. anyway... i was completely blown away. it was in this little church sanctuary, so it was a kind of intimate space. we were sitting in the fourth row, i think. they played these incredibly hard and complex pieces, from composers i had never heard before. i just felt really inadequate. i mean, i know they're professionals and all that. but being a brass player, i would like to think i know what i am talking about more than just most people. but god, you would think i were playing my poor little trumpet at like a 7th grade level compared to these guys. i can't even visualize what they were playing. and i can't even move my fingers a fraction of how fast they were going!!! i know it's probably not healthy to compare myself to professionals. and my trumpet teacher keeps telling me, if you are going to keep on playing for the rest of your life, then you need to do this and this and this. and i am just like, what if i don't WANT to play for the rest of my life?? i want to teach. Teaching is what i feel i am called to do. honestly, i can't even see myself doing anything other. i don't want to play, i want to teach. and chances are, once i get a job, i doubt i will have enough time to play at all. i mean, i hope i can keep it up, but that's not really my main goal. i enjoy trumpet, i really do. i am just not DIEHARD about it. i suppose i probably need to be, because i am going to be playing it nonstop for the next three years. oh joy. :-/

i really should get working on that paper.

do you ever get that feeling of extreme relief when you are on the road and you see a sign for home?



whenever i head home, i always get really happy when i start seeing signs for cleveland, my heart gets a little bigger. cause then i know i am getting closer and closer to my real home. down here, it's tough because i don't know where hardly anything is -- let's see, i know 1) how to get to and from wittenberg 2) how to get to the mall/restaurants and 3) how to get to downtown/the public library. other than that... i'm totally lost. and i kind of don't like that feeling, of not knowing where i am at places. i feel really... helpless. i don't like feeling helpless.


sorority stuff is still annoying the hell out of me. i haven't seen one of my best friends since, like, BRUNCH. i hate the way that we are already spreading apart - - to think that these were the first people on my floor that i made friends with... and my first friends... it's kind of depressing, actually. i am excited to make new friends all the time, sure, but these girls around here hold something special, i guess. being the first people in my college life.


why is love so freaking complicated?? i finally found a person that i really enjoy, and look forward to seeing, and is polite and funny and wonderful... and most likely taken. i am having the worst luck with things. i can't even get up the courage to ask him if he has a girlfriend, though i have heard rumor-wise that he does. :( just my luck. story of my life. anything else you want to put here to make me feel more like CRAP??


84.52% and falling. though that may have to do with it being 12:30 in the morning, and my having to get up at 8am for class. strangely, i'm not tired.